Just another story type thing
by afraidOfAngryMobs
Summary: Just read. Summary inside. possibly. ok maybe not. It's ok if you hate it. :


**Disclaimer: _Me don't own the Twilight characters. The mentioned belong to the Stephenie Meyer._**

** Well here I go.**

Once upon a very long time ago, well not really that long ago….

There lived a plain, yet pretty 18-year-old girl living in Forks Washington with her gorgeous vampire boyfriend Edward Cullen, and his, now hers, vegetarian vampire family. See Bella Swan (above mentioned girl) discovered that her father Charlie was a long time alcoholic. That would explain all the time he spends at supposed, "work". I mean how much stuff actually happens in Forks, WA? Not much. So she left her father who later died of liver disease, and had one long, boring funeral with cheesy elevator music playing in the background. Bella missed her father's funeral because she was too busy spending long days with Edward, and her new vampire family. Then one day while Bella is wandering in Hers and Edward's meadow a mysterious plane come speeding down to earth slamming into Bella killing her instantly. The sunlight glinting off of the shiny metal of the aircraft, the meadow is engulfed in flames, and Edward roars to the skies, and then skips merrily away from the terror of it all to go over to pet a poor defenseless bunny.

Edward: "Hello, little rabbit. Would you like to accompany me back to my shiny silver Volvo, and perhaps come back with m to my beautiful mansion so I can break your neck, and suck your blood?"

Poor defenseless rabbit: **nose twitches** "Didn't the love of your living dead existence in this pitiful, heartless world, just get squashed by a burning plane that fell from the sky?"

Edward: "love…of…my…life… Oh!"

See Edward has gotten a rare case of vampire amnesia because the burning plane that fell from the sky was dropped from space by evil green Martians who wish to take over the universe, and destroy anything that moves, and so the burning plane that fell from the sky caused amnesia in Edward, and so he now doesn't remember Bella at all.

Edward: "You must mean Rosalie little bunny. I shall spare you, and go to my one true love." **dashes away to find Rosalie**

_Later at Cullen house:_

Rosalie: "I'm leaving you Emmit! I love Edward, and I hate you. You're so stupid, and dumb, and you're always getting on my nerves!!! Edward does all that too…Well if it means he'll forget about that pathetic human Bella then I'll marry him!"

Emmit: "No! Rose please do not go! Besides Bella is already dead."

Rosalie: "Well if she's dead you don't see him complaining…"

Edward: **bursts into room** "I love you Rosalie! You're the one true love of my life!"

Emmit: "Well…this is certainly strange..."

Rosalie: "Goodbye Emmit." **Runs to Edward and they jump together into her convertible**

Edward: "Yes! The love of my life has decided to come with me! I love Rosalie with all my cold dead heart!"

Emmit: "NO! Do not take my beautiful, vain, stubborn, selfish, arrogant wife away from me Edward! I shall have revenge!"

**Rosalie and Edward drive away in convertible**

_Back to just narrating:_

So Bella later rises form the grave, and gets together with Sam because he broke up with Emily cause Emily was having an affair with Jacob, and so Bella felt bad for him.

Emily: "I'm sorry Sam… Oh! Who am I kidding? I love Jacob! And I hate you! Look what you did to my face you jerk!" (sorry. I want to keep it K+. More flames!)

Jacob: "I hate stupid blood sucking leeches!"

Sam: "Emily I'm leaving you for…Bella! I hate you too! I'd mess up the other side of you face if it wouldn't make me look bad in front of my future wife."

Bella: "I feel so bad for you dear Sam. I don't resent you anymore. I hate you Emily! **Runs to Sam's side**

Ok now I'm tired, and I don't feel like writing like that anymore:

So after that…..

Aro comes to Washington!!!!!! Dun dun duh!!!!!!!!!

And admits his undying love for Alice!!!

Aro: "Alice. I love you so much yo. If you come back I'll be so happy, and dump Jane. Shoo."

Alice: "AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! It's you!! **throws shopping bag and runs**

Aro: That was cold yo.

Eh em…

Next….Jasper up, and leaves because he's found new love in some other "non-vegetarian" vampire lady called Maria, and so he leaves Alice to be with her, and reverts back to human eating vampire ways.

Jasper: dude. I'm leaving. **does ollie over sofa**

Alice: "But Jasper…I thought you loved me, and would love me forever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever…"

Maria: SHUDDUP!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alice: "…"

Jasper: "dude. I like love Maria now man. So like…uh…back off!"

Maria: "Adios perra!"

Jasper: **jumps on Maria's motorcycle, and rides off into the sunset, with that one Paris Hilton song playing in the background**

Yay! Now after that...

Alice runs after Aro to be with him! But Aro has decided he's made a mistake, and that he actually loves Edward who is currently signing his own divorce papers from Rosalie so he can be with Jane!

Edward: "I love Jane, Rosalie! She may be my long lost cousin's grandma's sister's uncles best friend's baby's babysitter's boss's father's aunt, but I still love her, and I'm leaving you Rosalie, because like O M G. You're like actually a guy!"

Rosalie: "So? I…like…didn't like you anyway...Gosh you big ugly jerk! I never want to see you again!"

_Meanwhile… _

Jane: "Mwhahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! I shall keeeeeeeeeeeeeellllllll youuuuuuuuu!!!!!!! **skips through the streets throwing flowers at passer by singing god bless America**

_FOUR DAYS LATER…_

**laughs evilly **Jacob Black murders Edward in his…Sleep! Cause vampires! They like actually can sleep!  
Jacob: "Yes! If they sleep I can sneak up behind them all, and Keeeeeeeellllllllllllll them!!!!!!! Mwhahahahahahaha!!!!!"

Edward: zzzzzzzzzzzz "eh…uh…" zzzzzzzzzzzzz

Jacob: Mwhahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!"

Edward: "Shuddup please! Trying to get my beauty sleep. Jeez!"

Jacob: Never! **turns into wolf, kills Edward, and then leaves to go out for muffins with Embry**

Then…Jacob gets blown up with some nuclear bomb that evil green martians drop down on the U.S.

Jacob: "lalalalala! **happy cute bunnies dancing all around**

Embry: "lala…hey! Jacob! What's that falling from the sky…"

Jacob: "lalala…hm? I…don…" BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bella, who hears that Jacob, and Edward are dead runs back to Forks right after slapping Sam, and telling him what a jerk he is.

When she gets to Forks she meets up with Aro, Rosalie, Emmit, Carlisle, and Esme. Aro all of a sudden drops dead because it turns out all vampires DO die after about 3000 years. Bella then goes over, and kicks him really hard in his side, and yells in his face, Emmit who is now with Esme because Carlisle decided he had loved Rosalie from the beginning got together with her. Emmit who is very depressed by now decides that he might as well be with his adopted mother. I mean. There's not much better out there for for him. Esme is a walking zombie now just like good ol' Bella considering…well all the stuff that has happened. She likes to spend her time now cussing people out in Lithuanian. Anyways…Emmit, and her are a good match. Bella is kind of weird-ed out, because she's just realized how much she really, really loved…Aro!!!! So she stabs herself in the heart like Juliet, and dies. Then Alice drops in, and cries when she sees Edward dead, and she jumps out into the bushes where Heidi, and Felix are, and has them rip her to shreds, and burn the pieces. Then Jasper, and Maria come in, and jump Esme, Emmit, and Rosalie. They feast on Rosalie's delicious hair, and use Emmit as a beautiful plate/dish/thing. They give Esme to the evil green Martians who use her to make their next nuclear weapon. Then Carlisle who is now crazy, and doesn't really give a crap about going to heaven kills Jasper, and Maria, and goes on an insane killing spree throughForks, and over seas to Volterra. The rest of the Volturi kill Carlisle, and decide that vampires suck, and start to kill each other, and all the other vampires in the world. In the end only Victoria is left. She decides that she is now the ruler of the world, and builds a large palace in the clouds for her to keep all her "food" in.

Yup! That's it. There ends my tale. Where Victoria becomes the evil dictator she's always dreamed to be.

Such a happy, happy, wonderful, great, amazing, terrific, happily ever after, nice, good, beautiful, pretty, supercallifragilisticespeallidoscious ending!!!!!!! **claps hands**


End file.
